Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
