So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
