I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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