oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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