Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
