he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
