On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
