I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
