what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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