btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
