Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
