yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
