Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
