I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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