I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
