We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
