Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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