are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
