She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
