I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
