That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
