At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
