Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
