Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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