i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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