I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
