what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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