He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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