what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
