I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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