He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
