i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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