she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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