So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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