oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
