Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
