Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
