Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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