What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
