Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
