If that was your dad, he is hot
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
