she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize