I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
