Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
