you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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