mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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