Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
