so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
