so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
