dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
