You're my little dorito
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
