Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
