let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize