I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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