What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
