remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
