In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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