I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
