i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize