It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
