those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
