In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
