I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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